So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A+ Viking dick
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
