my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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