Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
