Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
