dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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