i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
