Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
