There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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