Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
