I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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