i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
