I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
