his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
