the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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