2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
