pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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