I just saw a hot homeless man
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
