This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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