i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's like iHOP with fire
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
