I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
