eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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