Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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