Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
