so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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