There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
