lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
