i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
