that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is it because I queefed?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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