I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
