Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
