do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
