You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
