i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
