So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
