Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
