You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
