I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
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