dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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