once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i've created a new STD.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
