He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
