I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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