fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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