What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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