Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
