Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am available for nakedness
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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