It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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