so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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