Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
