Swine flu is the new snow day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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