sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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