What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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