I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
